Christmas has gone and past. I know it has been quite a while since my last entry, but that is not uncommon for me to pick up on something weeks after beginning it. I like to be spontaneous and do whatever feels right in the moment. Not that it works out that way a lot of times.
With school and everything in my life, there doesn't seem to be a lot of room to move around and just be me. I read in this book that man has somewhat forgotten that we used to do things for the pleasure of doing them. We have since grown to do things because we think they will be useful and better for survival, or God forbid, we should become extinct. So you see, we must get back into the balance of doing things for ourselves. Not necessarily one on one, you against the world, but doing things for the purpose of having fun, or being proud.
I can see that this week is going to be difficult for me. I didn't think that I would be affected so much, but even though it has been a whole year, I do not think I am going to take it well. January 7 this year falls on this upcoming Saturday (which reminds me, Happy New Year!). At least I will be home for the event. Maybe I will even sleep through it if I'm lucky. I cannot bring myself to relinquish the past and move on. I am once again weary with the idea of even getting up in the morning, a dilemma I faced not so long ago. I do not like these morbid entries, but sometimes they must be done, to get it out into the open and to release it from myself.
I do not know how many of my invites actually even bother reading these. I don't really care. I enjoy the prospect of writing for a bigger audience. In a journal, it's all private unless you give it to someone. Even then, they aren't interested unless each entry contains a clue to this great unknown treasure. Still, it would be nice to get a head count so I know this isn't a complete waste.
I could always get rid of the privacy setting and let the whole world view this, but that does not sit with me well. My thoughts are my own and for the few people that I have chosen to share them with.
I wish I could bring a happier delight into these one sided conversations, but alas, I do not think I can. Not this week.
Perhaps next week I can shed a little light on the subject..
