Merry Christmas To All

Two years. That's how long it took for me to feel like myself again. Sure, there are still instances where I am disconnected from Who I Really Am, but for the most part, I think I can really focus on being happy with less regret.

Wanna know how I know?

It all has to do with Christmas. That's right, this merry holiday that allows adults to be children and children to get one sleepless night of pure imagination and magic. I've decided that, if given the choice between telling my future kids if Santa Claus exists or not, I will tell them he does. I had so much fun imagining him and his reindeer when I was little.
But anyway, as I was saying, Christmas this year is what leads me to believe that I am okay. Better than okay. Last year, I couldn't really get into the full spirit. I was happy to spend Christmas Eve with my family, but there was a cloud of despair hanging over us that we were trying to ignore, yet it managed to hang in our minds, like icicles.

But this year, I feel, will be different. I can just feel it. I have even been sneaking glances under the tree, trying to figure out which presents are mine. I've been practically giddy about the whole thing.
I've also had the responsibility of finding presents for my friends. They also got my homemade cheesecakes, which is be becoming a fast favorite. Along the road, I have found that I am a giver. I absolutely love giving people presents, because I want to make them feel happy. The cheesecakes are exhausting to make in that it involves a lot of standing around, and it's almost torture not being able to eat one...or ten. But all the same, I love doing it. Food brings smiles to people's faces. In the cooking class I took over the summer, we became close over our cooking. There's so much life that caught me off guard at first; I wasn't expecting so much love.

So obviously I have chosen to become a chef. Along with the reasons I have listed previously, I also love cooking because when I am in the kitchen creating something, I feel the most connected to Mom. I am brought back to those nights when she invited me into the kitchen to help her make dinner. And you know what? It always tasted better those nights. From wonderfully delicious to spectacular and intoxicating.

I would like to start a tradition of my own someday. I want my family to come over to my nicely sized house with its huge gourmet kitchen (that's my plan for my future home, in case someone thought I was actually bragging about my current home. My reality kitchen is pretty tiny. We never host holidays). My family would come in and we would all cook together, little kids excluded unless they want otherwise. We would all come together with our own recipes and goodies. The kitchen would be crowded and busy. And wonderful. I imagine us all talking and laughing, catching up on old times. Everyone would be opened up to a world of openness when they walk into my house. Then we'd all sit down at the decoratively set table, and the endless string of compliments over each dish would begin, spreading warmth through the at atmosphere.

Merry Christmas, everyone.