Just a Book and Some Sunlight

It would seem that I am perfectly content just sitting in a comfortable chair in nice weather reading a book. It's not something we think about much, the simplicity of things. Some feel that they could not possibly be happy unless something exciting is happening. Well, the book must be good in order for me to be so contented with it. For instance, right now, I am reading this wonderful book of short stories titled Masterpieces of Fantasy and Enchantment. They have all been compiled by David G. Hartwell. Today, I got up a little earlier than I had originally intended, since it was only Sunday. I usually sleep in pretty late, but on this day I was up at around 8:30 before I officially got up from my bed at 9:00. After I ate, I opened the door to the deck so the cats could enjoy the sunshine (you see, our deck is screened in, so our cats can enjoy the wind of the outdoors while remaining indoor cats). I grabbed myself a Peach Snapple, the best beverage in the world, and grabbed my phone since I was expecting to have other plans later in the day. There, I just sat in our anti-gravity chair and read the book I mentioned previously. Because it is composed of short stories, it is never the same, and therefore it remains interesting to me. And, as you can see, when I start reading books, I can type in these fancy phrases that I only use when I have just been reading. I remember one summer I spent most of my day reading books that I had found on a bookshelf in the house. It was a lot of fun, although I did not have a very good place to sit where I could stay cool other than the floor of my room, which is hardwood and therefore not the best place to sit. I spent hours wrapped in my own world of solitude and unicorns (these books are about fantasy, remember). My only pause was to decide whether or not I should adjourn upstairs for a nap or decide if I was hungry and should stop for lunch or a snack. I tell you, it was a day I shall cherish. Even more so because at the end of it, I got to spend some time with my dear friend Anna. Since she goes to another school, we don't get to see a lot of each other. I only met her last year, but I do think she is definitely one of my favorite friends, maybe even THE favorite friend, not to offend those I am also friends with, but seriously, have you MET her? She radiates kindness and gracefulness, and I happen to know that she has access to reading this blog, but that does not make my words waver. I surely and honestly mean them. So, Anna and I saw that new movie with Kristen Stewart in it, Snow White and the Huntsman. I think the movie was really good, but Kristen should really have smiled more. They described her, being Snow White, as the image of life itself, yet she always seemed so serious and conflicted. Other than that, I loved it.

Within My Grasp

This is an entry I was supposed to record on here yesterday, but obviously, I didn't, so I will write it today instead. Today is one of those boring days where you don't have anything going on, yet you feel like you want to fight it; stand up to the world and shout, "I will defy you, oh sunny day! You shall be avenged and I will do something today!" (I'm not really sure if those words convey the exact message, but they sure sound cool when put together). In fact, I would gladly stand up this very moment and say those words, if there wasn't someone sleeping just one floor above me.

My family really has no clue about my inner-craziness. Whereas my friend is able to belt out the lyrics to a song from AVPM while playing random chords on her piano and nobody would even giver her a second glance. They're just so used to it all that it's normal. Ah, what a life that would be.

I have decided to take part in my school's Cabaret Night this spring: a night where anyone who signs up can pick a song and sing to their heart's content, at least until the song ends, then you have to let the next person up. A great brother of mine, Taylor Benson, shall be accompanying me to "Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. I just love the Mary Poppins songs, and this seemed like a good first step for people to being to see my many talents. Nobody really knows me as a singer, so it'll be fun to impress them. This version -- according to the sheet music it's the original -- has a bit more of a jazzy feel. I absolutely love it! It's not the traditional version that everyone is used to hearing, so they won't even recognize it unless they look at the program or until I sing the words. It really is great fun to sing about things that really do make me happy. If I weren't going to have fun, I would see no point in any of it.

Speaking of fun things to experience, I will be taking cooking classes over the summer a week or two before my family and I goes off to Hawaii (don't ask me which island, because I have well forgotten). That means I will be coming home with leftovers and knowledge of new recipes. I forget if I will take the Italian food class or the French one, but either will be a great thing to put on my resume and get me a future job. I don't know if I would call anything a career, because then it feels like I can only do that one thing, like I must be devoted to that. If I just say it's a job, then I feel more free to branch off from that and go towards other things if I want to do that. I may end up spending my life as a musician after all, although the idea now makes me uncomfortable. I absolutely love music and get a great joy out of playing it, it's just that there is all this pressure that comes with being a musician for a living. You have to make sure that you get gigs and earn a lot of money, or the whole things sinks and you are left with practically nothing. Both my brothers would like to go into the music industry, and I fully believe that they will go far. My grandfather once said that pianists were "a dime a dozen," and that may be, but none of them are like Taylor. His skill exceeds some that have been playing for years, at least in the improvisation department. And Alex is always improving his skill; trying out new songs and taking lessons from someone that has had his own success and has made many albums.

I wonder what it would be like, after college, when we all meet up again once we've settled, and see just how much we have changed; how independent we have become. With our own cars and everything! It's almost time for me to learn to drive, only a few more months, I believe (or is it 16 1/2 that I can start?). Then, the world will be further within my possession.

We Wish You Well

Yesterday, a student in our school died. When I found out by receiving a phone call from the principal, I went on Facebook to see what I could find out. I know a name: Adriel Gomez. Turns out, I even know who that is. He's one year older than me. I admired him for how differently he expressed himself and according to my English teacher, he was really very nice. I mostly just knew him as the "guy I sometimes passed in the hallway" as well as "the guy who sits at my lunch and is Katelynn's boyfriend." The day at school was extremely somber.

I didn't like it.

I know there are some people who feel they are suffering because of the loss of their dear friend, but I wish I had felt that I was at least able to smile. I enjoy smiling. When that is taken away from me, I have almost nothing, since I work off hilarity and jokes. After school, I heard from a friend that he had apparently hung himself in his room. His younger brother, who looked up to him like a father, was the one to find him. How scary that must have been. Well anyways, here, on my blog, with my friends, I would like to wish Adrien well. You were greatly appreciated and loved.

The Importance of a Team

I have come to realize that a coach is more than just somebody to teach you the sport. I see now that a coach is someone that you can trust. They are you confidant and reliant. You should be able to tell them anything and then they in turn can help you become stronger and more independent. I found this out when our school was playing Whitinsville Christian and I had a flashback moment that caused me to freak out. I do not know if I have told you this story, but basically, someone in the crowd said something to her daughter, some encouraging words, and I instantly thought about Mom. I started to have a panic attack. If I could have, I would have walked away right then to air out my emotions. But for whatever reason, I wasn't allowed to do that. Perhaps it is because that would be a huge sign of weakness for my opponent and she would then know that she had won. I just think they want the game to go by as quickly as possible so that they can go home and do whatever else they wanted on their April vacation.

It's true, I wanted a bit more out of this tennis season than I got. I think we have officially lost our chance at the districts, but I can't be sure. We have two more games next week, and then that's it. If we lose one more game overall, then we are definitely out. That doesn't really matter to me though, I mean, I'm only a Freshmen. I don't think I could last very long against those other schools. The only individual wins that I have ever gotten were against Quabbin. I know I have improved immensely this year and I only hope to keep getting better. Maybe next year, I can play like our captain Kaitlin. I find it amazing that she has only been playing tennis since she was in 8th grade. I know that she is a lot better than me and is also an amazing teacher. I think she is hoping to do some teaching after college, maybe come back to Hudson and work with their summer program or even help out Mrs. Weed, like Coach M. did.

I realize that this is Kaitlin's last year on the Hudson Varsity Tennis Team. I know she probably wanted to leave with a greater end result than we have been given, but we are still so close. Anything could happen. As long as our spirits our high, we are invincible. So Kaitlin, know that you will be missed, and we were always impressed with you. We all love you, that I can say is certain.  I hope you have a lot of fun in college.

Magic

I just found a section from the book Ask And It Is Given: Learning To Manifest Your Desires by Abraham-Hicks that I just found particularly interesting and I just had to further analyze it.

"if you have the ability to imagine it, or even think about it, this Universe has the ability and the resources to deliver it fully unto you."

After reading that, I paused.
"Anything?" I thought to myself. Then I thought about all those times that I imagined myself having the awesome super powers that trumped all others, like the ability to fly, become invisible, or pause time. I always imagined that I would feel joy when I used my abilities. How cool would it be if I had powers? I mean, without the sudden onslaught of villains and monsters coming after me every time you talk to someone. This is the kind of magic that doesn't just drain your energy or cause people to enigmatically combust if used too much. This is the kind that takes its energy from the earth; from deep within to give strength to the beholder. It is truly "ask and it is given." you ask for something to happen, and the Universe says "ok!" every single time.

When I think of it that way, I realize that I already have that kind of magic, as does everyone else. It's the awareness that allows people to use their powers. I myself am aware of it, bit have not yet figured out how to execute it. It's like in a tennis match, I have an idea of where to hit he ball that will give my opponent the most annoyance and put them out of position. But sometimes, I just overshoot or hit the ball into the net.

Someday, I may be able to change my emotions very easily and create my life with ease. I know it's possible. It just has to be. How boring would everything be if it were all up to a greater being? We would essentially have no say, making our lives a dictatorship. That's no way to live.

So cool! I have magic! Now I just gotta figure out how to use it...

Hudson vs. Quabbin

I had a particularly interesting English class today. We were reading some excerpt about someone's views on those who survived the Holocaust, including accounts taken from witnesses. One of the questions we were given asked, "Do you agree that a person always has a choice in the suffering he or she is forced to face?" I answered this question by saying hat everyone absolutely has a choice to the suffering they may face. It's all about the belief about their circumstances. This was a class-wide discussion, so I got to hear other's input, including some details of loved one's deaths. My friend went through something similar to me, only seven years earlier. Her mother got cancer and passed away when she was 7. She told us that her mother did bot choose to get cancer and was then forced to live with it and make the best of it.

Sure, her mother did not deliberately intend to get cancer, but emotions are powerful guidelines. They are the basis for all desires. My own mom did not ask for it, but it was the negative emotion that brought it forth. I have an idea as to why she might have been feeling negative. I thought that it might have something to do with how she looked. She was not completely happy with her figure and thought often about losing weight. Perhaps the lack of immediate results just took her down a notch. Once the tangible evidence of cancer is there, it is tough to get rid of since there is a constant awareness of it. Not impossible, though. Nothing is ever permanent.

So here I am at lunch, my favorite part of school. Okay, that's not entirely true. Wind Ensemble is way better. Especially since none of the usual people showed up to eat with me. That's why I have chosen to write at this time, so I have something to do.

Today is my last home game (or it was, since when I copy this online it will have happened already). I expect to win against Quabbin, mostly because I did easily last time, and they're on our turf this time. I am sad that we've only played four home games, soon to be five. Quabbin has been my only individual win.

Well, as I expected, I won my game! The final score was 6-0, 6-1. It was a different opponent than last time, though I couldn't tell you her name. Here was a point in the match where the ball was basically just going back and forth when I got an idea. I said to myself "You know, we've been hitting the ball deep almost this entire match. I wonder how she would handle a short ball..." With that, I was given a forehand next, so I lined myself up and hit a slice, probably the best slice shot I have ever hit. It landed very close to the net. My intention had been to run her up close and see how she handled herself at net. She ran towards the ball, then strangely she slowed down. The ball bounced once, but she'd already given up. Twice, and it was my point. Game.

During our break between games, we had a small conversation. Some of my opponents, I really think i could be good friends with them if they were willing. As we talked, we mentioned the hot muggy day we were having. Then, she told me, "I'm used to playing doubles. This is only my second time with singles. I'm not used to all this running around." In the moment, I laughed along with her, but my mind was deviously plotting. So she didn't like running around, eh? Well there was an advantage for me, since I am strong at net and have been described by my coach as "deceptively quick."

While I was not able to hit another awesome slice shot, the score still pleased me. If I served fast enough at her, she was simply unable to return it. Being used to doubles, she served from a little wider than in singles, so by hitting the ball down the line, I managed to gain a few easy points. Also, she had a tendency to stand a little off to the side, so I would hit it to the other side and make her run. It's so much more fun when I have a working plan. Hopefully I can work something in that will help my game against Marlboro tomorrow.

I am very proud to be on Varsity this year.
Kaitlin is a great co-captain along with Deanna, and Mrs. Weed is an excellent coach. I can tell that I have improved a lot since I first began as a shy little Freshman. I will miss the seniors, but at least I got the chance to know them, and I will do my best to keep in touch.

The Future

You could think that you have nothing to tell someone; nothing interesting or particularly exciting. At least, you could feel that way until you really begin to speak. It happens to me so often and so quickly that I can begin to jumble my sentences, or completely forget what I had been originally trying to say until we are on a completely new topic. My grandmother will sometimes begin talking about something else before she has even finished her current sentence. Some stories just have so many side notes that are necessary to the full effect of the story. It's understandable then that writers make many copies and drafts before they are happy with the result. When I write a story about a personal subject, I try so hard to put the right amount of depth so that they live in the story as they do in reality.

As I write this on a piece of notebook paper (to be later copied in my blog), I am essentially procrastinating. I am in the gap between handing in my current assignment and starting another, so I'm trying to stretch out the time. Oh, sure I do my work and keep up with the majority of the class. Don't worry about me, my grades are fine. Plus, this class is necessary for me to graduate properly.

Speaking of graduation, I have been thinking a bit about my future outside of high school, once I'm done. I have mentioned before that my current career desire is within the culinary profession.

A few days ago, two women came into my French class to give a presentation. One woman was tall with blonde hair and an American accent. The other woman was shorter with dark hair and had on particularly-distinguished heels. Her accent sounded Hispanic. Their presentation was about letting us know about either hosting an exchange student or becoming one ourselves. There is an option of either taking the entire year off, or just a summer. As they filled us in on the details, I began to think that this might be something of my interest. I enjoy speaking French and would love the ability to speak fluently, and I want to be a chef. If I were to travel to France between the time I graduate high school and go off to college, I could take a few cooking classes directly in France! It would be a wonderful opportunity. The program offers help to diminish the language barrier with Rosetta Stone and one-on-one classes. I could combine three goals in one!

1) Learn French fluently
2) Take culinary classes -- great for my résumé
3) Go to France!

My mom had talked about taking me to France when I was older. We would travel to different places together. Unfortunately, now that Mom's dead, my grandmother (her mom) has taken it upon herself to take me. Sure, I love her and all, she is just nothing like Mom. Thy never even looked that much alike. I just don't think I could enjoy myself nearly as much. I've been lightly thinking of ways that I could perhaps go with someone that I would get the best possible experience being with. I could go with one of my friends. Maybe someone will even want to do that program with me. I'm not even sure who I will keep in touch with after high school. With cell phones and texting now, it's a lot easier to keep in touch. I had been thinking of perhaps living in a place like Rhode Island or Virginia. Those places are really nice and more country than city, which I like.

It is nice thinking about the possibilities in the future.