Today is just going to be a nice day to hang out, read, perhaps take a nice walk outside, and clean out our attic. Actually, I am quite looking forward to cleaning out the attic. Stored in there are tons of memories that may have been forgotten. Of course, we will be throwing a lot of stuff away, like the stuff we had when we were four years old. We don't really use those toys anymore. A lot of stuff that was in my room before I renovated is still in boxes in there. Hopefully it won't get too hot today, because that room can be like an oven!
There are a couple things I wish to find. All of them are things that my mom has told me about and said that they were probably in the attic somewhere. When I was little, I was able to do this pose with my leg that I can still sorta do now. Anyway, my aunt got me a little glass pink elephant that was doing the exact same pose. Since I was roughly two or three at the time, I would be likely to drop glass. So they put it somewhere in the attic. Another thing that I've been told is in the attic is a tabla. A tabla is a really cool drum that can be persuaded to make different sounds depending on the method you hit it and where on the head you hit it. I once heard it being played at a school drum demonstration of the different cultures of percussion. It has such a unique sound that is comforting to me. Mom also got a pair of drumsticks. I forgot what was so special about the drumsticks, but her friend had been going on and on about how great they were, so she bought them. Finally, I hope to find Mom's box of little animal figurines. I happen to collect them, and I would love it if I could find them. We won't get it all done today, so I may just find one of those things. I even know what kind of case the figurines are in, I think. I'm really excited to unearth memories that happened even before I was born. There's even a typewriter in there!
It's strange to think that it hasn't even been a year since my mother's death. I still don't know why I have to refrain from saying "death" and just resort to "that incident." Everyone knows that people don't really die. If you had one life to live, that would be a load of crap. This earth has lived too long to only allow us the single life that we seem to think we have. What I really hate about this whole thing is that I can't even talk about Mom, even though she was the greatest mom that I could have ever asked for. So whether you like it or not, I shall tell as many stories about my mom as I like. I want to. I want the world to know how great she was in her life here as my mother. She was wise, organized, and open. Her voice was always calm and soothing. She never raised her voice unless she was downstairs yelling for us to come from upstairs. It happened too fast.
It shouldn't have happened. I know that as much as the next person. It's the hospital that really got her. I know that. She was always so miserable in that place, no matter if it was the one in Marlboro or the one in Worcester. She hated it there because she was away from her husband, her kids, and her cats. She always said that when one of us were gone, even if we were just at a friend's house for the day, she said that the house never felt complete until we came back. It felt the same to me when Mom was in the hospital. You couldn't imagine all that worry I felt for her every second of the day. I absolutely loved those days when I would come home from school, all tired from the day's activities, and she would be home, awake, and watching TV. Those days, I was content. I found it so easy to connect to my true happiness.
Great, now this post has taken a weird turn. I would just like everyone to know that I do feel fine. Some might say that I am even happy. Content is still too strong of a word, and I don't know if I will ever get there, but that's okay. I like where I am at this moment. The morning is comfortably warm, quiet, and the birds are just waking up, which means they are very talkative. This morning feels perfect.
My next post is going to knock your socks off. In a "haha, this is so funny" kind of way.
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