Ever since I have returned home, I have been staying up pretty late at nights. Understandable, given the time difference. I really did enjoy the chance to experience Hawaii and once again see California. You see, my grandparents used to live there when I was young. They moved closer to us, but we used to go down there for two weeks over the summer, at which time it never rained, as California is apt to do.
I find myself, however, reverting to something I will call jet lag. I call it that because I am not completely familiar with the actual definition of "jet lag," since I used to think that it only had to do with the fact that while you are on a plane, it is almost like your body is on pause. Then, once you get off, the exhaustion hits. I am now beginning to feel that it is much deeper than that.
It started in 2010, after my family returned from a 17 day trip in Florida and Disney World. When I came back, it was winter and where I live, winter always seems dark and remote, whereas Florida was like HD in comparison. A night after we had returned, I was in bed wishing that we were back in Florida where it was warm and sunny, since I had felt that I was just starting to get comfortable before being jerked back on a plane. I will admit, it was with such awareness that I was not where I wanted to be that I began to tear up. The door to my mom's room opened, and she called my name. I went into her room and we talked for a long time. I felt better after that and even closer to my mom. We had always been good friends, even when I was little and still in elementary school. All throughout my life, I have found that my mindset has been the same. I would come to think in the same manner, as though I have been the same age my whole life. I enjoy the fact that my parents and me were more friends than one in charge of the other. I have seen households where the latter has been true, and it saddens me to see the disrespect the child will hold for their parents. I see this most in parents that have been divorced and are living more difficult lives taking care of the kids and holding up a steady job. I can understand the stress, but kids need to know that they are loved. I suppose that's true with anyone. We all want to be appreciated and admired for who we are. What we first must find out is that we all have to believe that we can be admired. One does not gain appreciation when their mindset is one of disliking their body and hating themselves. You will find that it cannot get you anywhere. Confidence is your friend. Embrace it, since it feels a hell of a lot better than believing that you are not worthy for something that you could easily have otherwise.
So what was I saying before? Hang on, let me read back a bit...
So, back to my jet lag. Right now, I need to come up with a solution. Perhaps making a list of what I find useful and happy about where I live, both location and residence. I could always read a book. I have some summer reading to complete and the stories are interesting so far. I am happy to be reading The Book Thief, which is a book that has been recommended to me numerous times, but I have never quite gotten around to it. For history, I have been given a book called Outcasts United. I cannot tell you exactly what it is about, but I like it. Usually, the history classes will land you with a book that is depressing, and one you would really rather leave alone, but yet you are made to read it. I have standards when it comes to books, although I rarely leave a book before I've finished. I am happy to say that this year is different. Perhaps I will like my sophomore year after all.
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